1. You might be single now. But who knows? The next day, the next morning, next year. Nothing has changed! You're still single. :D
2. I'M OPTIMISTIC. i don't worry too much about the people i hate right now. coz eventually, they're gonna die. and i'm patiently waiting.
3. once a boy asked God: "is it wrong to sleep with a girl before marriage?" God's reply: "No, it's not. But the problem is hindi naman kayo natutulog eh!"
4. gun can kill someone. fire can burn someone. wind can chill. anger can rage til it tears you apart. but the power of my APPEAL. wala! pati bacteria, tulala! :P
5. i'm sure you were born in this world as a cute baby! right? now that you've grown up, i have one question. "what happened?!"
6. teacher: what do you want to be in the future?
KIKO: i want to be a lawyer.
JUAN: i want to be a doctor.
NENA: i want to be a mother.
PABLO: me? i want to help nena!
7. What if you have a wooden car, with a wooden chair and a wooden ket? Malamang, it wooden start!
8. There are five secrets to happiness. No one knows them. Secret nga eh! Toh naman! Kung makapindot!
9. TRIVIA: Did you know that scientist found out that CUTE TEXTERS hold their phone with their left hand? Oh wag mo ng ilipat alam kong nasa kanan yan.
10. What is FOLLOWED? It is an act of going to a CP Center if your balance is 0. Example: "Manang, FOLLOWED nga po, P25."
11. The word "miss" is also part of the word "love". So when someone says I miss you! It also mean that they love you! Now why did I text you? Because, my load ako.
12. Do you know what VINE TEA is? VINE TEA actually is soak-lee, when your money is peep tea, then you load tar tea, your soak-lee is VINE TEA.
13. a fast beating heart doesn't always mean love. A blushing face isn't always a sign that you're in love. sometimes, LASING lang talaga.
14. Every good girl is looking for a bad boy who can spice up her life. But then again, every bad boy is just looking for a good girl who can change his world.
15. Can you pronounce good English? Read the following aloud:
16. Who said that fill in the blanks is very easy? Sige, ikaw nga. Try natin, fill this blanks with YES or NO.
18. MMDA (with pen & ticket) to a traffic violator:
MMDA: Name?
Foreign Driver: Wilhelm Von Corgrinzksy Pavacovitz.
MMDA: Ahhh. Next time be careful ha?
19. PROVE ME YOUR A TEXT MASTER. fucdriddismsgwidouthvngahedaikuracirtfydtxtadik
butfnotunmreprctishpeuhadanytymrfngdistrickncttymbpaientbbay.
20. "it's one in one" tawag ni Manny Pacquiao sa H1N1.
21. When your lips are silent, and youre eyes are closed, and your ears are deaf, it only means one thing. May discount ka sa jeep at bus! Disabled ka! Yabang, may discount siya!
22. Eat flush to my nose for time is tree the bay dead by too. Equals 9.
23. God saw your parents hungry, He created pizza. God saw they are thirsty, He created coke. He saw them walking, He created the car. He saw them without problem, He created You!
24. Why was white chocolate invented? So little black kids could have dirty faces too.
25. Alone? I'm here for you. In love? I'm happy for you. Hurt? You may cry on my shoulder. Need hug? My arms are yours. Need money? Wala si Alena. Namundok, umalis. Di niya number to. Who you ba?
26. A girld with some friends went to a bar. When she read a sign saying: BELOW 18 NOT ALLOWED. The girl said, "Hay naku! Wag na tayong tumuloy, SAMPU LANG TAYO!"
27. Bond the rat there at. Bomb the route they're at. Tararat tararat. Boom boom boom! Naaks! TFC Subscriber ka?
28. A policeman saw a little boy crying. He approached him and asked, "What's the matter boy?"
Boy: Huhu! MATTER is anything that occupies space and has mass.
29. Dad: (Holding two toys, letting his son choose) Barbie or Superman?
Son: Superman Dad.
Dad: Good. (Then he left)
Son: GWAPO MO TALAGA SUPERMAN! BAKAT NA BAKAT! SHET!
30. Teacher: Now, Pedro give me the opposite of this sentence. "Children in the dark, make mistakes."
Pedro: Mistakes in the dark, make children.
31. Teacher: If there were five birds on a fence. And you shot one, how many would be left?
Kid: None, as others will fly away.
Teacher: The answer is four, but I like the way you think!
Kid: I have a question ma'am. If three women are eating ice cream, one licking, one biting, and one sucking, which one is married?
Teacher: (Nervously answered) Well, the one sucking the cone.
Kid: No, you're wrong . The one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you think ma'am!
32. If you want to remove wrinkles, pimples, face marks and the seven signs of skin aging, try ADOBE PHOTOSHOP.
33. Question: Why men get out of bed in the middle of the night? 5% said, to get glass of water. 12% said, to go to the toilet. and 83% said, to get back home.
34. Student's prayer: Our prof who art in school, Holy be your name. Our MIDTERMS come and it will be done on test papers as it is on class cards. Give us this day, our daily grade and forgive us from copying. As we forgive those who copied from us. Do not bring us to TRES or SINGKO. But deliver us into DOS or UNO. Amen.
35. My pinciple in life: If someone throws a stone at you. Throw a flower at him BUT make sure the flower is still in the pot!
36. Come here! Take off your pants and get on top of me. Enjoy me until, you are totally satisfied. Lovingly yours, TOILET!
37. One night the boy was crying in the beach, the moon saw him and said, "Why don't you leave her if she only makes you cry?" The boy answered, "Moon, wish ko lang hindi ka nangingialam!"
38. "Fooling Her? ... Try Hid En Shulders!" - Manny Pacquiao.
39. PULIS: why did you kill your bf?
GIRL: he fetched me to the motel, removed my uniform, bra and panty, laid me on the bed, spread my legs and said.. JOKE LANG! feeling mo naman. :P
40. "me seeds" sabi ni aling dionisia ng tumunog ang phone ni manny. "manny! manny! may me seeds ka."
41. The truth behind the song ETERNAL FAME and who really sang it.
2. I'M OPTIMISTIC. i don't worry too much about the people i hate right now. coz eventually, they're gonna die. and i'm patiently waiting.
3. once a boy asked God: "is it wrong to sleep with a girl before marriage?" God's reply: "No, it's not. But the problem is hindi naman kayo natutulog eh!"
4. gun can kill someone. fire can burn someone. wind can chill. anger can rage til it tears you apart. but the power of my APPEAL. wala! pati bacteria, tulala! :P
5. i'm sure you were born in this world as a cute baby! right? now that you've grown up, i have one question. "what happened?!"
6. teacher: what do you want to be in the future?
KIKO: i want to be a lawyer.
JUAN: i want to be a doctor.
NENA: i want to be a mother.
PABLO: me? i want to help nena!
7. What if you have a wooden car, with a wooden chair and a wooden ket? Malamang, it wooden start!
8. There are five secrets to happiness. No one knows them. Secret nga eh! Toh naman! Kung makapindot!
9. TRIVIA: Did you know that scientist found out that CUTE TEXTERS hold their phone with their left hand? Oh wag mo ng ilipat alam kong nasa kanan yan.
10. What is FOLLOWED? It is an act of going to a CP Center if your balance is 0. Example: "Manang, FOLLOWED nga po, P25."
11. The word "miss" is also part of the word "love". So when someone says I miss you! It also mean that they love you! Now why did I text you? Because, my load ako.
12. Do you know what VINE TEA is? VINE TEA actually is soak-lee, when your money is peep tea, then you load tar tea, your soak-lee is VINE TEA.
13. a fast beating heart doesn't always mean love. A blushing face isn't always a sign that you're in love. sometimes, LASING lang talaga.
14. Every good girl is looking for a bad boy who can spice up her life. But then again, every bad boy is just looking for a good girl who can change his world.
15. Can you pronounce good English? Read the following aloud:
- wolf
- woof
- warp
- roof
- ruff
- raft
- work
- wart
- worth
- wharf
16. Who said that fill in the blanks is very easy? Sige, ikaw nga. Try natin, fill this blanks with YES or NO.
- 1. _____ I'm not a normal person!
18. MMDA (with pen & ticket) to a traffic violator:
MMDA: Name?
Foreign Driver: Wilhelm Von Corgrinzksy Pavacovitz.
MMDA: Ahhh. Next time be careful ha?
19. PROVE ME YOUR A TEXT MASTER. fucdriddismsgwidouthvngahedaikuracirtfydtxtadik
butfnotunmreprctishpeuhadanytymrfngdistrickncttymbpaientbbay.
20. "it's one in one" tawag ni Manny Pacquiao sa H1N1.
21. When your lips are silent, and youre eyes are closed, and your ears are deaf, it only means one thing. May discount ka sa jeep at bus! Disabled ka! Yabang, may discount siya!
22. Eat flush to my nose for time is tree the bay dead by too. Equals 9.
23. God saw your parents hungry, He created pizza. God saw they are thirsty, He created coke. He saw them walking, He created the car. He saw them without problem, He created You!
24. Why was white chocolate invented? So little black kids could have dirty faces too.
25. Alone? I'm here for you. In love? I'm happy for you. Hurt? You may cry on my shoulder. Need hug? My arms are yours. Need money? Wala si Alena. Namundok, umalis. Di niya number to. Who you ba?
26. A girld with some friends went to a bar. When she read a sign saying: BELOW 18 NOT ALLOWED. The girl said, "Hay naku! Wag na tayong tumuloy, SAMPU LANG TAYO!"
27. Bond the rat there at. Bomb the route they're at. Tararat tararat. Boom boom boom! Naaks! TFC Subscriber ka?
28. A policeman saw a little boy crying. He approached him and asked, "What's the matter boy?"
Boy: Huhu! MATTER is anything that occupies space and has mass.
29. Dad: (Holding two toys, letting his son choose) Barbie or Superman?
Son: Superman Dad.
Dad: Good. (Then he left)
Son: GWAPO MO TALAGA SUPERMAN! BAKAT NA BAKAT! SHET!
30. Teacher: Now, Pedro give me the opposite of this sentence. "Children in the dark, make mistakes."
Pedro: Mistakes in the dark, make children.
31. Teacher: If there were five birds on a fence. And you shot one, how many would be left?
Kid: None, as others will fly away.
Teacher: The answer is four, but I like the way you think!
Kid: I have a question ma'am. If three women are eating ice cream, one licking, one biting, and one sucking, which one is married?
Teacher: (Nervously answered) Well, the one sucking the cone.
Kid: No, you're wrong . The one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you think ma'am!
32. If you want to remove wrinkles, pimples, face marks and the seven signs of skin aging, try ADOBE PHOTOSHOP.
33. Question: Why men get out of bed in the middle of the night? 5% said, to get glass of water. 12% said, to go to the toilet. and 83% said, to get back home.
34. Student's prayer: Our prof who art in school, Holy be your name. Our MIDTERMS come and it will be done on test papers as it is on class cards. Give us this day, our daily grade and forgive us from copying. As we forgive those who copied from us. Do not bring us to TRES or SINGKO. But deliver us into DOS or UNO. Amen.
35. My pinciple in life: If someone throws a stone at you. Throw a flower at him BUT make sure the flower is still in the pot!
36. Come here! Take off your pants and get on top of me. Enjoy me until, you are totally satisfied. Lovingly yours, TOILET!
37. One night the boy was crying in the beach, the moon saw him and said, "Why don't you leave her if she only makes you cry?" The boy answered, "Moon, wish ko lang hindi ka nangingialam!"
38. "Fooling Her? ... Try Hid En Shulders!" - Manny Pacquiao.
39. PULIS: why did you kill your bf?
GIRL: he fetched me to the motel, removed my uniform, bra and panty, laid me on the bed, spread my legs and said.. JOKE LANG! feeling mo naman. :P
40. "me seeds" sabi ni aling dionisia ng tumunog ang phone ni manny. "manny! manny! may me seeds ka."
41. The truth behind the song ETERNAL FAME and who really sang it.
BULAG: close your eyes.42. my mom said, if you're gonna make love with the person whom you love to much, do it wearing the safest thing. know what it is? "a wedding ring." HINDI CONDOM! :P
PILAY: give me your hand, darling.
BINGI: do you hear my heart beating?
BOBO: do you understand?
MANHID: do you feel the same?
DUKHA: am i only dreaming?
BUMBERO: is this burning? an eternal flame.
PIPI: say your name.
BALIW: sunshine through the rain.
KAWAWA: my whole life, so lonely.
ILUSYONADA: then you've come to ease the pain.
MARTYR: i don't wanna lose this feeling.
SALING PUSA: oooohh!
43.
* NAUBUSAN! pasahan niyo pa ko. English Jokes! whehe. :)) *
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